can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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