Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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