I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
