She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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