dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
