whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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