when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
