summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
