Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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