i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
