just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
