All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
