so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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