I cockslap morals
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
