i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
