remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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