i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
