I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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