well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
