My liver just broke up with me...
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
