thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
