Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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