Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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