is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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