Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
