how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
