what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
