it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
whose parrot is this?
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
