When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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