I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
