Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wish i was in the wii world.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
