I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
