I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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