I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
