Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
