I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
