And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
