I think my vagina is haunted
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I think I am morally bankrupt
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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