It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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