what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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