forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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