On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
