Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
