i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
