Christians are straight up FREAKS
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
