If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
