If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
