he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
