Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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