This beer is not sobering me up at all
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
