Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
His nipple licking is glorious
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