the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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