Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
