there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
