i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Randomize
