It's Friday. Sex?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
