i don't like sucking hair
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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